How (and Why) I Keep a Sex Spreadsheet

I’m a slut for organization. For as long as I can remember, I’ve found a weird satisfaction in keeping things in order. I’m the type of person who has an unhealthy obsession with storage boxes and uses seven apps and two color-coded planners to map out my (not at all busy) life. It shouldn’t surprise people that I’m organized when it comes to sex because why wouldn’t I be? I keep my safer sex supplies in tidy drawer units, label my vibrator charging cords, and keep an ongoing list of all my toys. Tracking my sexual activity is just another way I keep order in my life.

Why I Started Tracking My Sexual Activity

Full transparency: my first spreadsheet has a bit of a tragic backstory. [CW: mental health, trauma]

I started my first sex spreadsheet in 2011, following a traumatic hospitalization that left me with dissociative andrograde amnesia. I went through a period of about six months where I had trouble remembering any new information. I failed my semester at college, torpedoed most of my closest friendships, and spiraled into a really low point in my life. I used sex as a coping mechanism to get through this time, but the fact that I wasn’t forming new memories obviously created a problem for me. I was having a lot of sex–even risky sex–that I didn’t remember having.

My reaction to this was to create a crude spreadsheet to keep track of who I was having sex with and what sex acts we engaged in. This way, I was able to track my partners in the event that I contracted an STD or became pregnant. Fortunately, it never came to that. My memory mostly recovered by the end of the year, but I decided to keep tracking my sex regardless. I became interested in my sex stats out of sheer curiosity and, in time, I evolved my sex spreadsheet to include more types of data.

My original spreadsheet was simple, but it did what I needed it to do. When tracking my sex life became something I did out of interest and not necessity, I put more time and effort into creating a spreadsheet that encompassed more information from each encounter. I even found sex journalist Kate Sloan’s post about her spreadsheet and took some of her ideas to track things like location and number of orgasms. Now, eight years after my initial idea, I have perfected my spreadsheet formatting.

My Current Spreadsheet

My current spreadsheet tracks a number of factors in each sexual encounter. 

• Date (color coded by month)
• Partner (color coded by person)
• Location (color coded by my home/their home/other)
• My Orgasms (number, color coded for y/n)
• Their Orgasms (number, color coded for y/n)

Try using blue/yellow to track whether or not you or your partner had an orgasm if you struggle with feeling pressured to orgasm during each encounter. Using red to indicate no orgasm can make folks feel bad and that’s not what this is for! You can always decide to take out certain categories if you don’t want to track them, too. Thanks to Taryn for this suggestion!

• Kissing (y/n, color coded)
• Hands (Giving)  (y/n, color coded)
• Fingers (Receiving)  (y/n, color coded)
• Oral Sex (Giving)  (y/n, color coded)
• Oral Sex (Recieving)  (y/n, color coded)
• PIV/Strap-On Sex  (y/n, color coded)
• Anal Sex  (y/n, color coded)
• Kink Dynamic (bottom/top/switch, color coded)
• Birth Control (color coded y/n/multiple forms)
• Toys (names, color coded y/n)
• Notes (highlighted if first date)

A Year of Stats

I started using my current spreadsheet formatting in August of 2018 so the data I have collected for the following analysis is from August, 2018 through August, 2019.

• I had 10 sexual partners this year.
• I had sex 69 times this year. (You can’t make this shit up!)
• Of those 69:
  • 58 times bottoming
  • 6 times topping
  • 5 times switching
  • 1 vanilla encounter
• I used toys in 38 of those encounters.
• The Doxy 3 was my most used toy, the Magic Wand Rechargeable was a close second.
• I had 6 first dates end in sex.
• I did not receive oral sex or have anal sex all year (both soft limits).
• On average, I had 1.56 orgasms per encounter.
• My partners had 0.91 orgasms on average per encounter.
• The most encounters with a single person was 25.
• I only had sex on one occasion with 4 of my partners this year.
• The genders of my 10 partners:
  • 7 were cis men
  • 1 was a trans man
  • 0 were cis women
  • 1 was a trans woman
  • 1 was non-binary
• The sexualities of my 10 partners:
  • 4 were bisexual
  • 5 were straight
  • 1 was a lesbian
  • Total of 5 were queer
• I had sex with three separate partners on November 20th, 2018. 
• After a bad breakup, I had a sex dry spell of 51 days.
• No one had an orgasm in 5 of the encounters I had this year.
• In 38 instances, both parties came.
• I had the most sex in November (of 2018).
• 3 of the partners I had were in a committed relationship with me.
  • 2 were friends with benefits (FWB)
  • 4 were a one-time connection
  • 1 was a short fling.
• I had sex at home 45 times, at a partner’s house 22 times, and in a motel 2 times.
• I only had sex in 3 locations the whole year.
• I kissed every partner I’ve had sex with this year.
• I performed oral sex in 55 of my 69 sexual encounters.

Benefits of Keeping a Spreadsheet

You don’t have to have amnesia or be a professional sex blogger to track your sex data. If you’re interested in this idea, there are a lot of benefits to keeping track of these types of things.

• Tracking the sex you have may lead to more sex. I have found that I’m more motivated to have sex knowing that I’ll be able to track the data. Sure, this is a super nerdy way to motivate yourself to be more open for sex but if you have a healthy sex life, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more reasons to have sex with your partner(s).
• Even if you don’t have a documented memory problem, tracking sex can help you form a clearer idea of your sexual activity. I don’t know if people with normal working memory are able to recall the exact number of orgasms they had with their partner on September 22, 2018, but I know that I can tell you with full certainty what my number is for any given day. Having access to all that information on demand is weirdly comforting to me.
• You can start to notice patterns in your sex life. Is all your sex on the weekend? Do you have meaningful one night stands? Which toys do you tend to orgasm with the most during partnered sex? Did you have sex on any first dates this year? How long has it been since you’ve engaged in anal sex? These types of questions can all be answered with some simple data analysis and that data can help you make better choices for yourself in the future.
• You can track sex for family planning purposes. Whether you’re trying to get pregnant or trying to avoid pregnancy, tracking sex can be useful for family planning. The spreadsheet is fully customizable to your situation and you can combine sex tracking with menstrual and/or ovulation data.

There are lots of reasons someone would track their sexual activity. If you were to track your sex data, what kinds of things would you make sure to include in your own spreadsheet?